I was chosen to be helpful!

Today I had the privilege to be in the right place at the right time. 

I am a crossing guard for an elementary school.  The corner I've been placed on often has me wondering if I'm really that necessary.  But over the months people and occasions have changed my mind.  Number one, I am a quick and reliable substitute for the more used locations.  Two I am a cheerful addition to greet neighborhood occupants.  There are a couple ladies I do look forward to seeing...and they're thrilled I've become friends with their dog companions too.  Also regular drivers passing by look for a wave of recognition daily.  And the two kids I cross deserve this extra little bit of attention in their day.  It's good.  It's okay. 
And then today I know having this job has so much more reason than I or anyone else could've imagined.  An elderly lady across the street fell in her carport.  Luckily I was near and could get her blankets and call for an ambulance. I know she and her family were grateful for my helping but I am even more grateful for the opportunity of service.  It means more to me than I even know.  The reward is seeing someone in a distraught and needy situation being comforted because God placed me there!  Wow!  That's beyond words.  He knows all!...what she needed and what I needed.

So, with that, I'm willing to continue at my simple little job position because I know it's not menial to God.
 

Realization

Today's Online Bible Study spoke of tangents or things that control you and your time.  Everyone was talking about Facebook, smart phones, twitter and tv being their hangups.  Guess I don't put much love in those things.  But my deal is A.volunteered time...B. being what 'I believe' everyone wants me to be...and C. providing for my families every want and need!
I ended up depressed and broken.

I brought it all to God many times.  "How do I handle all this?  How do I get people to understand they need to help me?  Where is the money coming from for___?  Help me Lord I'm so overwhelmed!"  And on and on my journal got filled up with complaints and pleas for understanding and solutions.  Somewhere along the line I just gave up.  I quite things and stepped back from the chaos and slid deep into depression.  Not the depression that looses you,  but the self indulged depression where "I might have made the wrong decision and I feel awful even though I'm supposed to feel free".

And then today I read a discussion post that opened my eyes to see God's had me on the right path, unbeknownst to me, for quite some time.  By quitting the extra stuff - leadership, volunteering, working extra outside the home etc...all these tangents-controls over me, without them there, He was slowly able to get to my heart.  I had decided to not add any more to my schedule and haven't but the guilt for not doing them was enormous.  I was letting my idea of how people wanted me to be, get in the way of God talking to me.  All the opportunities I thought were of God were actually getting between us.  Obvious yet not so obvious deception. 

I had to become broken to be blindly led! and now I realize why.  I'm a classic example of 'giving up and letting God'.  I didn't realize it then, but I was blindly following God's prompting.  He gets all the credit for keeping me on track.  Unfortunately, He doesn't always speak through well-meaning family & friends or even your conscience. These got me distracted.  All my interpretations and justifications of how it all was supposed to be were badly misconstrued.

When I gave up, God was finally able to influence me directly.  He sounds so much clearer this way! I still don't have or know all the answers and I'm okay with that because it's called giving God control.  I'm just happy to know that when you give it to God and your not given any answers He's still gonna take care of you.  This feeling washes over me with a such warmth.  And now I'm so thankful to participate in this Online Bible Study (offered by Melissa Taylor). Any time spent learning of God is time well spent.  I don't want my life to be so filled and so complicated ever again that it crowds God out.

monday

This week starts with the memory of a beautiful weekend at the coast.  Still I see in my mind the sun glistening off wet sand and feel heat's radiance thru my jacket...while strolling for shell bits and pieces and unforgettable stones.  Found a few...secured in a sandy pocket.  Still out of the norm from an illness I am in no hurry to anywhere.  A bit of wind.  Seagulls. Sigh.

It's a cold Monday morning.  Sometimes it's hard to awaken to a new week.  I've got kids to keep me motivated and a husband that rely's on me.  Friends that may send a call.  And a belated family Christmas to prep for over the coming weekend.  No time to feel sorrowful or overly thoughtful.  But I can hold these memories close.

Started an online Bible study this week.  Never had this experience before.  So far?  good!  I already see how the discussion blog will be enjoyable and helpful.  The subject hits home.  "Let. It. Go."  I do hold on to so much and feel I'm responsible for ever more.  Overwhelmed much of the time for sure...but undeniably glad for every opportunity! (smile) Already I've read others postings and seen my own thoughts and feelings develop in their words.  We are of kindred spirit and I'm eager to understand myself a little more.  We're learning that control is God's and God's alone.  Never need I take the helm.  Here's a little lesson learned...passed along thru the Bible Study from another source...(source can be stated if anyone is interested).  It's a simple version of theology. 

Dog Theology vs Cat Theology

Dog sees his master come home, jumps up eagerly and says, "I saw you coming home and I became so excited with thoughts of you. You do so much for me.  You feed me.  You walk me.  You care for me and give me bones and treats.  I am so happy when I'm with you!  Wow! I know now that...you must be God!"

then...

Cat sees his master coming home.  He stretches and looks casually at him and says, "I saw you come home and it made me think of all you do for me.  You feed me.  You provide toys and warm soft places for me to sleep.  And it made me realize, I must be God!"

Had to share that.  It was so perfect for this time of thought.  I can either stay going head-long into the world or I can be eager & happy to have my God close-available-caring for me.


I can feel springtime in the air despite the colder temperature this morning.  Purchased a pot of tulips-set on my dining table and to gaze at.  Yes, it's that time of year where we can choose to be pulled down to the depths of cold depression and dark, cloudy thoughts or we can look up and see the beautiful cloud formations; stop to hear the spring-birds chirping songs, and catch the wisps of spring freshness in the air!  It's always good above all our bad.  I choose to be positively in love with my God and His awesomeness!