Today's Online Bible Study spoke of tangents or things that control you and your time. Everyone was talking about Facebook, smart phones, twitter and tv being their hangups. Guess I don't put much love in those things. But my deal is A.volunteered time...B. being what 'I believe' everyone wants me to be...and C. providing for my families every want and need!
I ended up depressed and broken.
I brought it all to God many times. "How do I handle all this? How do I get people to understand they need to help me? Where is the money coming from for___? Help me Lord I'm so overwhelmed!" And on and on my journal got filled up with complaints and pleas for understanding and solutions. Somewhere along the line I just gave up. I quite things and stepped back from the chaos and slid deep into depression. Not the depression that looses you, but the self indulged depression where "I might have made the wrong decision and I feel awful even though I'm supposed to feel free".
And then today I read a discussion post that opened my eyes to see God's had me on the right path, unbeknownst to me, for quite some time. By quitting the extra stuff - leadership, volunteering, working extra outside the home etc...all these tangents-controls over me, without them there, He was slowly able to get to my heart. I had decided to not add any more to my schedule and haven't but the guilt for not doing them was enormous. I was letting my idea of how people wanted me to be, get in the way of God talking to me. All the opportunities I thought were of God were actually getting between us. Obvious yet not so obvious deception.
I had to become broken to be blindly led! and now I realize why. I'm a classic example of 'giving up and letting God'. I didn't realize it then, but I was blindly following God's prompting. He gets all the credit for keeping me on track. Unfortunately, He doesn't always speak through well-meaning family & friends or even your conscience. These got me distracted. All my interpretations and justifications of how it all was supposed to be were badly misconstrued.
When I gave up, God was finally able to influence me directly. He sounds so much clearer this way! I still don't have or know all the answers and I'm okay with that because it's called giving God control. I'm just happy to know that when you give it to God and your not given any answers He's still gonna take care of you. This feeling washes over me with a such warmth. And now I'm so thankful to participate in this Online Bible Study (offered by Melissa Taylor). Any time spent learning of God is time well spent. I don't want my life to be so filled and so complicated ever again that it crowds God out.
I ended up depressed and broken.
I brought it all to God many times. "How do I handle all this? How do I get people to understand they need to help me? Where is the money coming from for___? Help me Lord I'm so overwhelmed!" And on and on my journal got filled up with complaints and pleas for understanding and solutions. Somewhere along the line I just gave up. I quite things and stepped back from the chaos and slid deep into depression. Not the depression that looses you, but the self indulged depression where "I might have made the wrong decision and I feel awful even though I'm supposed to feel free".
And then today I read a discussion post that opened my eyes to see God's had me on the right path, unbeknownst to me, for quite some time. By quitting the extra stuff - leadership, volunteering, working extra outside the home etc...all these tangents-controls over me, without them there, He was slowly able to get to my heart. I had decided to not add any more to my schedule and haven't but the guilt for not doing them was enormous. I was letting my idea of how people wanted me to be, get in the way of God talking to me. All the opportunities I thought were of God were actually getting between us. Obvious yet not so obvious deception.
I had to become broken to be blindly led! and now I realize why. I'm a classic example of 'giving up and letting God'. I didn't realize it then, but I was blindly following God's prompting. He gets all the credit for keeping me on track. Unfortunately, He doesn't always speak through well-meaning family & friends or even your conscience. These got me distracted. All my interpretations and justifications of how it all was supposed to be were badly misconstrued.
When I gave up, God was finally able to influence me directly. He sounds so much clearer this way! I still don't have or know all the answers and I'm okay with that because it's called giving God control. I'm just happy to know that when you give it to God and your not given any answers He's still gonna take care of you. This feeling washes over me with a such warmth. And now I'm so thankful to participate in this Online Bible Study (offered by Melissa Taylor). Any time spent learning of God is time well spent. I don't want my life to be so filled and so complicated ever again that it crowds God out.
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